For the first time in my life, I am peopled out.
I’ve always considered myself an extrovert. I am shy, which most people don’t believe, but I just push past it. I enjoy people. I was known to stand in the hall for talking in kindergarten. I’m done, though.
I love my job. I love the staff. I love the kids. I love (most) of the parents. This week was nutty. Kids have so much going on in their little heads as we get close to Christmas. Some kids are just over the moon excited. Some kids realize that being home for vacation means they won’t have enough food. Lots of sickness is going around too. Then there are the parents. They are stressed. Some are as excited as the kids. Some don’t know who will care for their children over break. Some are worried about having enough food for the week. Then there are some who just don’t have respect for anyone else’s time or kindness.
I love volunteering for my kids’ activities. I do it for the kids. There were two amazing concerts this week. All of the students played or sang beautifully. They work so hard, and it really shows. Everyone is busy, but I do wish that more parents were willing and able to give a little time for their children too. I’m not talking about people who normally pitch in, but once in awhile are not able to. I’m not talking about the parents who have conflicting events for their kids. I’m talking about the people who just don’t ever step up and always assume others will do it. After the first concert night, I had to send an additional email asking for help for the second night, because out of a couple of hundred or so sets of parents, not one person had signed up to volunteer to help us with the concert. Thankfully, people came through–we got a few volunteers and plenty of baked goods. Those of us who do give our time would really love to see our own children perform too.
I am just done with people this week. I know this is tied to my grief, especially at this time of year. I am beyond exhausted. It’s so hard to miss Maggie with so much of my heart and soul while continuing to function like a fully-formed adult. This is our fifth Christmas without her. How is that even possible? Why am I not jumping with joy because she’s coming home from college for a month? Why am I not both excited and nervous to see her grades after her first semester? Instead, I am wishing for those things. Instead, I am peopled out. Instead, I am sad. Instead, I grieve.
I haven’t even made a dent in my Christmas shopping. I suppose I will find myself out in the crowds tomorrow. If you run into me, I promise I won’t be rude, but I might not stop for a long chat. Tonight, I will have my pity party and try to recharge my brain, my heart, and my soul.