How is everyone? Stir crazy? Cabin fever? Happy to stay on the couch? Binged anything great? The majority of the country is home, and it can lead to a roller coaster of emotions…fear, anger, sadness, boredom, even happiness. It’s tough, but for the greater good.
I’ve been a bit all over the place. I am fortunate to be able to work from home, so for that, I am grateful. I don’t mind being stuck in the house, honestly. The kids are not fans. It’s hard on the kids who are used to going to school and seeing their friends and teachers everyday. Technology is a savior. We’re able to stay connected with family and friends all over the world. One highlight of my day is seeing a cousin in Ireland dance with her husband. They are on lockdown, so they record themselves for their grandchildren, and they are gracious enough to share for all of us on Facebook. It is absolutely fabulous!
This is Lydon’s senior year. At this point, we’re out of school buildings until May, but that will most likely be extended as we get to the end of April. I would love it if the kids could go back for even a week in June. It would give them a chance to see faces, gather their things, and say their good-byes, especially the kids ending certain years–fifth grade, eighth grade, and senior year. We will have a high school graduation ceremony as our district has reserved a backup date in July, so that is a positive. It’s still hard, though; spring athletes are missing their season, my theater kids are not sure that they will perform their spring musical, we’re missing spring music department concerts. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, these are not major, but they are still losses. We truly are glad that we are healthy and safe. It’s ok to be sad for missing these parts of our life, though.
As a bereaved mom, I’ve had thoughts that others would most definitely think mean I need to be committed. At times during this pandemic, I’ve been glad that Maggie isn’t here. Of course, I would give so much for her to be here, but the fear and anxiety that I know I would be dealing with in trying to keep her safe and healthy would be beyond difficult. Even if she had been cancer free for the last six years, I would be worried about her health in the face of having been through chemo and radiation. Then, I hear of people with COVID-19 hallucinating, seeing dead family members, and I think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get sick if it meant I could see Maggie, even if it was a hallucination. She doesn’t like to visit me in dreams, though, so I would probably not see her in a fever-induced haze either. Am I crazy for having these thoughts? Perhaps, but it is the reality for cancer and bereaved parents. I see it online, and am thankful to find I am not alone.
Stay well. Stay safe. Stay home.