My standard hibernation season has ended, but I’ve been missing my girl a little extra lately. I don’t know if it’s Molly turning 18, Maggie’s friends continuing to turn 21, Molly having her prom dress hemmed, or just which way the wind blows.
We’re wrapping up April school vacation, so with that comes many memories on Facebook of trips with the kids. Those are always bittersweet. I am so grateful that we were fortunate enough to go away with the kids, but sometimes the memories just hit me right in all the feels. Oh, and tonight is Disney night on “American Idol”–let’s not get into how many times I’ve already cried.
I got a new car the other day, which is so exciting!! We still have the blue beast, but Stefan has been driving that pretty much since we started working on the house. In order to get the one we wanted, we drove to Shelburne, VT (long story–yes, we’re a little crazy). Driving through Lebanon hit me harder than it has in a long time. I found myself with a tightness in my chest and a bit of panic in my heart. I haven’t been up to that part of Vermont in about 10 1/2 years, when we were last there with the kids, so that brought a flood of memories too. Just being in Vermont brought thoughts of Girl Scout Camporees, and of the fundraiser for the DHMC pediatric hem/onc clinic that the kids and I went to while Maggie was in treatment. The memories weave a web in so many places.
The first Sunday in May is International Bereaved Mother’s Day, so that’s today. Mother’s Day can be tough, so for me, today is the day to think about my Bug. I am still the mother of three, and today was the day to celebrate that, and to honor Mags. To all of my fellow bereaved mothers, I love to hear about your children gone too soon–share their stories. Know that you are not alone. If you are not a bereaved parent, but know one, remember that we love to hear and talk about our children, and the pain never goes away. We don’t ever get over our loss. I’m sitting here, seven years in, missing Maggie as if she died yesterday.
I Made My Kid Walk to School with Cancer 